When you are consumed with making things work you neglect your own needs, wants, and desires with the hope that someday you will have a loving relationship.Unfortunately, that “someday” never comes and you find yourself dried up emotionally to the point of dying inside before you get help for yourself.Since you have worked to fix relationships all your life, working harder, waiting longer, and doing whatever it takes to make the relationship work becomes a normal pattern of life.If you grew up in a home where one or both caregivers did not provide affection (frequent hugs, kisses, tender touches, words of love and praise), you do not know what a heartfelt, tender affection looks or feels like.The real problem typically is not that your mate does not love you; the core issue is that you chose a mate that does not know how to love you (similar to your caregivers).
You do not have much trust in relationships and chances are you do not have enough confidence in yourself to change your situation.
As you establish relationships in adulthood the same dilemma would happen by unknowingly finding a mate that is emotionally or physically unavailable.
Since you would not want your relationship to end as another failure, you would again fall into the same situation, believing you need to work harder to fix the relationship.
If you lived or live in relationships that are hurtful or unemotional, you are more accustomed to people that disrespect you than give you love, encouragement, and appreciation.
You have a tendency to believe you must work harder at everything in order to win acceptance and prove your worthiness.
People who struggle with getting close build walls to keep people at a safe distance.