Usually you run to defend them, even if you suspect that they are wrong.
When you attack your ex, you are forcing your child to come to your ex's defense, even if it is only in the child's mind.
Negative speech undermines your child's trust in the speaker, as well as the person who is being spoken about.
It can even affect their ability to trust adults in general. Sharing too much information about how hard your life has become only confuses and burdens children.
If someone speaks poorly of someone you love, what do you do?
They need you to be there for them; don't make them feel that in addition to everything they're going through, they need to be there for the adults in their life. There are numerous ways for former spouses to communicate. Some people who can't live together in love try to continue the relationship through hatred. If you feel that you were not given a choice about the divorce, ask yourself one question: "Would you really want to be in a committed relationship with someone who does not appreciate and value you?
Make your calls to your lawyer or your friends to vent about your ex at a time and place where your children are not in earshot. Some people choose to speak on the phone, others send text messages or e-mails to one another. " Such exchanges communicate a strong message of insecurity and vulnerability to a child. " The sooner you accept that the relationship is over, the sooner you can let go of the need to suffer.
Many times as a marriage is unraveling, children develop the belief that if only they could be "good" then their parents would stay married.
For those children, the marriage's failure is confirmation that they just weren't "good" enough.
Others might continue to communicate through their attorneys. Using children as the "mailman" between the two parents does not work. It leaves them wondering, "If both of the people who I would turn to for the basics don't have, what will happen to me? Some people mistakenly believe that if they suffer enough their ex will come back (and save them.) It is a painful fantasy to have to live with.